The Sisters CLAMP Fairy Tales: Tsubasa Edition!
by flo-bizet
Summary: The group has been sucked into a book of fairy tales and must go through each story until they can get Sakura's feather! Oh, what merriment they shall have! Bit of a parody, as well. Chapter 8: The Frog Prince!
1. Prologue

**Summary:** Our hero's' journey has taken them into a fairy tale book where they must go through all of the stories in order to get the feather.

**Date Written:** January 17, 2007

**A/N:** So my mom and I were going through some boxes with me and my siblings' children's books, one of which was The Random House Book of Fairy Tales. I start reading it, and since I was eagerly awaiting chapter 140 (btw, who else died after reading that?) of Tsubasa, the two just meshed together and viola!

**NOTES!** For most of the stories, the characters are going to end up as follows:

Syaoran: Prince/son (or boy hero, same concept)

Sakura: Princess/daughter (or girl heroine)

Fai: Princess (XD You know you love it!)/magician/mom (or wife/queen, same concept)

Kurogane: Prince (though, he seems more kingly, huh?)/King/other (oh, the possibilities!)

Mokona: … whatever I can think of…

Yuuko: witch/evil queen/step mother/other (Watanuki might even show up!)

**ALSO!** I know that Yuuko isn't traveling with them, but I'll explain that in the story.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Tsubasa nor The Random House Book of Fairy Tales.

**On with the magic!**

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

"Welcome to the magical world of Grimm!" the Prima fairy was singing. "In order to reach your goal, you must go through the stories of this world and only after you have completed this book will you be able to leave with the magic feather from the brothers Grimm! In the meantime, enjoy playing prete – AAH!"

Mokona had jumped on top of Primera and was too busy giggling its head off to notice her insane screaming to get off.

"Has Mokona made a new friend?" Fai asked, playing the oblivious game.

"Maybe you should let her breathe?" Syaoran offered.

"She seems to be getting enough air with that screaming of hers," Kurogane muttered, and continued with more force in his voice, "And what do you mean we have to go through stories?"

"Exactly what I said!" Primera shouted. "You guys have to play out all of the stories in this book before you can leave or get the feather! You want the feather, right?"

"Yes," Syaoran said, remembering his role as determined youth.

"Then get this THING off of me and I'll start you off!" Sakura quickly did as Primera requested and stood back with the rest of the group. "Okay, if everyone is ready?" –they nodded, Kurogane with the help of Fai's hand- "Then let's GO!"

And off they were merrily sucked into the magical worm hole to begin their new and exciting adventure!

TBC

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A/N: What are you doing stopping? This is a double post, so go on to Chapter 2, Little Red Riding Hood!


	2. Little Red Riding Hood

**Summary:** It's Little Red Riding Hood… self explanatory, yes?

**Date Written:** January 17, 2007

**Kalili:** So, I need someone from this series to act as my conscious. LET'S SPIN THE WHEEL OF CHARACTERS!

-_wheel spinning and eventually stops_-

**Kalili:** And it's FAI!

**Fai:** -_poofs in_- Hyuu!

**Kalili:** Hyuu, indeed! Oh, saying that is so much fun! I normally use a more "responsible" character for these things, but it's FAI! Who can resist?

**Fai:** Who, indeed? We're starting with Little Red Riding Hood! Kalili wanted to start off with something with all of us in it, but Yuuko couldn't make it today.

**Kalili:** I wish I could have found a place for her! Anyway, I won't be using all the characters in each story later on. Primarily Fai and Kurogane and Mokona probably, no offense to Sakura and Syaoran! Love 'em, but when I was reading the fairy tales last night, I didn't find many spots for them that would make it entertaining. But don't fret! I'll do the best I can!

**Fai:** Now everyone enjoy Little Red Riding Hood!

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

Long ago there lived a little girl who was loved by all who knew her, but she was especially dear to her grandmother. Her grandmother would do anything to make the child happy, and once she gave her a soft velvet cloak. It was so very pretty that from that day on the girl would wear nothing else, and she came to be called Red Riding Hood. But to people like her father, Kurogane, who felt it to be a ridiculous nickname and way too long to say, she was still Sakura.

One day, her father said to her, "Hey, kid! Come here and take that cake and a bottle of sake to your grandmother. She's sick and won't stop calling me to bring her crap. Go quickly so she'll stop, and don't daydream or wander around in the forest and make sure you get there before noon. Ya' got that?"

"I will do just as you say, father," Sakura promised. "But, if you don't mind my asking-"

"What? Why am I sending my kid to go running around in the forest, although I know perfectly well that there's a freakin' wolf in there? Honestly, I have no clue and would like to know who the hell came up with this! Does that answer your question?"

"… A-actually, I was just wondering if I should bring some dishes for the food and drinks."

"Oh… No."

Her grandmother lived a good distance from the villages in the midst of the forest, despite that fact that she could fall, break a hip, and not be able to get back up which then would cause her to die of either dehydration or starvation. But if things made sense, where would the conflict be?

When Sakura came to the edge of the forest, she was jumped upon by a round, small, white wolf. The child did not know that it was a wicked animal and so she was not at all afraid of it. Plus, it was so cute!

"Good morning, Red Riding Hood!" it said.

"Good morning, Wolf."

"And where are you going so early, Red Riding Hood?"

"To Grandmother's."

"What is that in your basket?" Inquisitive little thing, no?

"A cake and some sake. I'm taking it to Grandmother. She's ill and wants something to maker her stronger."

"Where does your grandmother live, Red Riding Hood? Not that I'm going to do anything! I just like knowing where people live for the heck of it!"

"Down this path and into the forest. Her house stands beneath three big oak trees, near a hedge of chestnuts. Do you want me to draw you a map? I would be glad to!"

Back home, Kurogane suddenly gasped and yelled, "Crap! I didn't tell her to not talk to strangers! Hm, would she have that common sense?"

Back to the forest, the little wolf was thinking, This girl looks like Yuuko would love to play with her! I better get her grandmother, too, so she won't be lonely. If I am clever, which Mokona is, I shall be able to snatch them both up!

So the two walked along merrily for a time. Then the wolf said, "Look at all the pretty flowers, Red Riding Hood! You should relax some and listen to the birds sing! Just look at how nice it is out here in the woods!"

Sakura raised her eyes and when she saw the sunlight dancing through the trees and the bright flowers, she thought, Grandmother would love a bouquet of flowers. And it is still quite early.

So she left the path and wandered off among the tress to pick the flowers (Kurogane, meanwhile, felt a disturbance in the parental force). Each time she picked one, she saw another, more beautiful, farther on. In this way she went deeper and deeper into the forest and the sun rose high in the sky.

After the wolf had left Sakura, it went straight to the grandmother's house with the help of it's map, courtesy of Sakura, and knocked at the door.

"Hang on, I'm trying to find something that DOESN'T look like it was made from a curtain!"

"It's Red Riding Hood," Mokona Wolf said, using one of it's 108 special techniques. "I've brought you some delicious cake and sake. Won't you-?"

"Red Riding Hood-chan!" Grandmother Fai sang while opening the door. "… You've shrunk."

Must be a brain illness, thought Mokona Wolf. It then promptly gobbled the old, yet quite youthful/male looking, grandmother up. Then, it put on the tacky nightgown and hideous nightcap, climbed into the bed, and drew the curtains.

Sakura ran about picking flowers until she could carry no more, and then she remembered her grandmother, who could have been dieing. When she got to the cottage, she was astonished to find the door open, and when she went into the room everything seemed strange.

She felt very frightened, but did not know why. "Good morning, Grandmother," she cried, but she heard no answer… If the sun was high in the sky, doesn't that mean it was noon-ish?

Then she went up to the bed and drew the curtains. There lay her grandmother, but she had pulled her cap down and over her face and looked very odd. But it couldn't have anything to do with her sudden shrinking, red jewel on her forehead, or round bun-like appearance. She still had white hair.

"Oh, Grandmother, what big ears you have!" she said.

"The better to hear you with, my dear! Hyuu!"

"Grandmother, what non-big eyes you have!"

"The better to kind of see you with, my dear! Hyuu, hyuu!"

"What stubby paws you have, Grandmother!"

"The better to, uh… eat you with, hyuu!" Then the wolf sprang out of bed, rushed at Sakura, and devoured her in one mouthful. With it's belly full, Mokona Wolf went back to bed and was soon snoring loudly.

Some time later, a huntsman, Syaoran, passed by the house and heard a fearful racket. How can Fai-san snore so loudly with his head in the pillow? he thought. Maybe he's passed out from so much sake. I should go help him.

So he went inside and up to the bed, where he found the wolf fast asleep. "What did you do?" he said. Being the clever boy he was, he quickly figured out that the wolf had eaten the grandmother and Sakura.

Taking his ax, he took the bunt of it and hit Mokona wolf's belly, causing it to wake up and spit out both Grandmother Fai and Sakura. Syaoran told Sakura to bring some big stones so they could fill the wolf's belly with them and stew him up, until Sakura and Fai decided that Mokona was too cute to eat and probably wouldn't fill them up much anyway. Poor Syaoran probably wasn't going to get a date from Sakura with that disturbing little plan of his.

They then were all joyful. Grandmother Fai was soon stronger (so much so, Kurogane questioned the entire illness), the Huntsman Syaoran was… there, and Little Red Riding Sakura Hood knew now that she must listen to Daddy Kurogane and never wander off in the forest without proper parental supervision, which did not include Grandmother Fai or Mokona Wolf.

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I have bigger plans for Snow White, that include Yuuko! Heh heh heh. This was definitely a warm up chapter.

You know what to do!  
Please leave a review!

As always, CONSTRUCTIVE criticism is welcomed with Fai and Kuro-rin being lovey dovey!


	3. Snow White

**Date Written:** January 21, 2007

**Kalili:** YAY! Fai is using up all of my thousands of cake mixes!

**Fai:** Who knew that cakes could come from a BOX? It's AMAZING!

**Kalili & Fai:** YAY FOR CAKE BOXES!

**Kurogane:** -_slamming door open_- There you are, you idiot! Do you have any idea how much the kids have been bugging me about finding you!

**Fai:** Yay! Kuro-puu was worried about me!

**Kalili:** Good thing he's here, too, 'cause this is a Kuro/Fai chapter!

**Kurogane:** WHAT! -_begins chasing Fai and Kalili around_-

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

Snow White

Long ago in wintertime, a queen sat by a window sewing. The snowflakes swirled down through the sky past the frame of the window, which was made of white ivory. Suddenly, the queen pricked her finger with the needle and three drops of blood fell upon the snow. The colors were so strong and beautiful that she thought at once, If only I could have a child as white as snow, as red as blood, and pure as ivory.

Soon afterwards, the queen gave birth to a son who was as white as snow, red as blood, and had hair as pure as ivory. He was called Fai (reasons unknown, since everyone was saying she should call him Snow White), but when he was born, the queen died.

After a year had passed the king took another wife, Yuuko. She was very beautiful, but-

"Wait a minute, stop the story!" Kurogane commanded, stomping into the scene. "What the hell is she doing here? She's not traveling with us!"

"Yes," Yuuko said, a smirk appearing on her face. "But since Fai is playing Snow White, and Sakura would be the worse evil queen of all time, the job was given to me. Unless YOU want to be the evil queen?"

"NEVER!"

"Then I suggest you go back to where you were waiting for your entrance or else we'll be forced to start this all over again." Growling, Kurogane did as suggested.

Anyway, she was very beautiful but so proud that she could not bear to think that anyone might surpass her. She had a magical looking glass, that she called Watanuki, and day after day she stood before and admired herself, saying:

"Looking glass, looking glass, on the wall,

Who in the land is fairest of all?"

And the glass answered:

"You are, I guess."

Then the queen was happy, for she knew that the mirror spoke the truth since he didn't want to extend his sentence of being her mirror.

But Fai was growing up and each day he became more non-masculine/beautiful, and had grown a fondness for women's clothing (not that anyone was complaining). And when he was seven years old, he was as beautiful as the morning and far more beautiful than the queen (the word "pedophilic" suddenly came to mind there…). Then when the woman stood before her looking glass and said:

"Looking glass, looking glass, on the wall,

Who in the land is fairest of all?"

It answered:

"… Weeeeeell, you, Queen, may fair and lovely be,

But, uh, Fai, ya' see, is fairer still than thee… You okay?"

"Oh, fine!" Yuuko said. " Yes, I'm a little bit perturbed, but honestly, I'm a woman with a killer rack! It's not like Fai is capable of converting people! Right?"

"…"

The queen was horrified. She whirled around and left the room and her heart was filled with envy. From that day, whenever she looked at Fai, Yuuko hated him more. At last she could neither eat nor sleep, so consumed was she with hatred for the boy. Then she called to her side a huntsman and said to him, "Take the child into the darkest part of the forest. I can no longer bear the sight of him. Kill him and bring me back his lung and liver so I will know that he is dead."

The huntsman obeyed and took Fai away. But right before he was about to strike, he looked at Fai and how he was just smiling and blissfully unaware as to why this stranger had taken him into the forest, he found that he could not kill him.

"Run away, child," he said. "I will not hurt you."

"You were going to hurt me? I just assumed you were going to kill some animal, you being a huntsman and all. But why?"

"Queen Yuuko. She is extremely jealous of your beauty and wants you dead. You must run into the forest and never come back!" He thought the wild animals would soon kill him, and yet he felt a stone had been rolled form his heart because he would not be the one to do it. So that makes it all better, huh? Just then, a young boar came running by, so he stabbed it and cut out its lung and liver and took them to the queen. The cook had to prepare them for supper, and the queen ate them, certain now that Fai had been killed.

(Backstage, Sakura and Syaoran were told to leave for fear of possibly damaging their young minds even more.)

But now the child was all alone in the forest, with the great dark trees arching above him. He was terrified after realizing that yes, it is rather flattering to have someone so jealous of your hotness that they want to kill you, but dieing is also a bad thing and began to run. He ran over rocks and through brambles, and the wild animals saw him but did him no harm.

He ran as long as he could and as far as he could, and at evening saw in the distance a little cottage with sparkling windows and a red tiled roof. He was tired and so he went there to rest. Inside, everything was small, but neat and clean and pretty. A table with a white cloth had been laid for supper, and Fai saw seven plates and seven spoons and seven cups. Against the wall stood seven little beds side by side.

He was so hungry and thirsty that he threw all common sense and good etiquette aside and ate some food from each plate, and drank a drop/all of (the) wine from each cup. Then as he was weary/drunk, he lay down upon each bed to find a comfortable one, and the seventh bed was just right. He pulled up the white coverlet and soon fell fast asleep (though, it was rather hard with a large portion of his body hanging off the end).

When it was dark, the owners of the cottage returned. They were seven Mokona dwarfs who mined for copper and gold deep in the mountains. They lit their seven candles and saw that someone had eaten their food and drunk their wine and lain upon their beds. And when the seventh Mokona dwarf came to its bed, he saw Fai sleeping there. It called to the others and they gathered around and held up their candles so that the light fell upon his face. "Pretty! Pretty!" they sang. They did not wake him but let him sleep without disturbance.

At dawn, Fai awoke. He was freaked out when he saw the Mokona dwarfs, but they treated him gently and asked him his name and how he had come to be there. "My name is Fai," he said and told them all about his soap opera… how very OOC.

The Mokona Dwarfs felt so sorry for the boy who had come so near to death, and they agreed that he should stay in the cottage. "If you will take care of our house and have our suppers ready at night, you shall want for nothing," they told him (okay, so maybe they didn't feel TOO sorry for him). Fai was happy then and said he would do all that they asked (anybody else's feminist radar going off?).

Each morning they went off to their work in the mountains and each evening when they came home (both ways singing "Hi ho! Hi ho! It's off to(or home from) work we go! Hyuu, hyuu, hyuu, hyuu, hyuu, hyuu, hyuu, hyuu! Hi ho! Hi ho, hi ho, hi ho!"), the supper was hot and the house was sparkling. But the Mokona dwarfs warned Fai that he would be alone all day and must let no one in. "Beware of your stepmother," they said. "She will soon know you are here and then she will come after you." Fai agreed without questioning HOW she could find out unless the Mokona dwarfs were actually Mokona rats.

Although the queen believed Fai was dead, it was not long before she went again to her looking glass and said:

"Looking glass, looking glass, on the wall,

Who in this land is fairest of all?"

And the looking glass answered:

"… Ooooh, okay. Deep breaths, and you might want to sit down.

-_clears throat_- Over the hills where the seven Mokonas dwell,

Fai is there, alive and well,

And none is so fair as he… You're not going to extend my sentence, are you?"

Then the queen knew that the huntsman had betrayed her and Fai was still alive.

Her envy sprang up again, stronger than the first time, and so she was determined to kill the boy herself. She thought and thought about how to do it, and then she painted her face and dressed herself as a pedlar woman. No one would have known her as she set off through the woods, hobbling on a stick. When at last she came to the dwarfs' house, she knocked upon the door. "Pretty wares to sell! Pretty wares to sell! Have your man comin' back to you in a heart beat!" she cried.

Fai looked out the window and saw that it was only an old pedlar woman who was holding up a bundle of apron ties woven in bright silks. Surely I can let her in, thought Fai, and he unbolted the door and bought the pretty ties.

"Don't you see, child, you must lace yourself more tightly," said the old woman.

"But I'm not wearing an apron tie."

"Dear God, are you into heroin chic, or something?"

"No, I'm just naturally thin!"

All the more reason for me to kill you, thought the disguised queen.

Fai suspected nothing, but stood before her and let himself be laced with the new ties, though he really thought that he didn't need it. But the old woman laced him so tightly that he lost his breath and fell down as if he were dead.

Not long afterward the seven Mokona dwarfs returned. They were frightened when they found Fai pale(r) and motionless upon the floor. But as soon as they lifted him up they saw that he was laced too tightly and they cut the ties with a knife. Then the boy began to breathe again and soon recovered (no noticeable brain damage was reported).

When he told them what had happened they said, "But the old pedlar woman was the wicked queen who would do anything to be rid of you!"

"Really? … Hey, how did you things know when you haven't seen neither the queen or the pedlar woman?"

"… Never mind that! Just don't let anyone else in!"

"What about the seven of you?"

"Hmmm, you're right," one of the Mokona dwarfs said.

"One of us Mokonas could be the queen in disguise," said another.

"How will we figure out if all Mokonas are real Mokonas!"

The Mokonas stared at one another, the little wheels in their heads turning. Suddenly, they all broke out into giggles and said, "All Mokonas are real Mokonas! Group hugs and kisses on Fai!" And so it was, with much drinking following. (1)

As soon as the queen reached home, she went to her glass and said:

"Looking glass, looking glass, on the wall,

Who in this land is fairest of all?

And you better think before you say it."

And it answered:

"Okay, wait one minute… Aw, come ON! Right, so

Over the hills where the seven dwarfs dwell,

Fai is there, alive and well,

And none is so fair as he. Sorry."

When she heard this, the queen was struck with fear, for she knew that Fai had not been killed. The queen had some knowledge of witchcraft and decided to make a poison comb. She hid it with several others and then disguised herself, taking the shape of a different old woman, though they kind of look the same (no offense to the elderly). She set off across the seven hills to the house of the seven and knocked upon the door. "Good things to sell! Good things to sell! Well, I guess it depends on what your definition of good is," said the queen.

"What was that?" Fai asked, leaning slightly out the window.

"Nothing! But I have some lovely combs to sell!"

"Oh! That's perfect because I have so many tangled locks and- wait a minute! Sorry, I can't let anyone in. Go away, please!"

"But you must only look," said the old woman and she held out the poison comb for Fai to see. It was such a pretty comb, so delicate and fine and shiny, that he let himself be persuaded to open the door. Plus, he really needed something to comb his hair with since the Mokona dwarfs' hair wasn't effected by humidity (2) and therefore didn't own any combs at all. Had he known he was going to be forced into the woods to run for his life because he was so freakin' gorgeous, he would have packed.

"Now, child, I shall comb your hair properly," said the old woman and she ran the comb through Fai's white hair. At once the poison took effect and Fai swooned to the floor. "That will be the end of you," said the woman and she went away.

But it was nearly evening and soon the Mokona dwarfs came home. When they saw Fai lying as if he were dead, they suspected the queen and searched until they found the poisoned comb. Scarcely had they taken it from his head when Fai awoke and told them what had happened. Then they warned him once again to take care and to open the door to no one. Dumbass.

The queen, at home, went to her looking glass and said:

"One more try. Looking glass, looking glass, on the wall,

WHO IN THIS LAND IS FAIREST OF ALL?"

Then it answered again:

"-_sigh_- Over the hills where the seven dwarfs dwell,

Fai is there, alive and well,

And none is so fair as he… Please don't break me."

When the queen heard the glass say this, she trembled and shook with rage. "Why doesn't he stay dead?" she cried. "Fai must die, even if it costs me my life!" She went into a secret room high at the top of the palace where no one ever came, and there she made a poisonous apple. The shape was perfect and the outside shone red and white. It was so tempting that anyone who saw it must long for it, but whoever ate a piece would surely die.

The queen dressed herself as a peasant's wife (wasn't aware there were different fashions between pedlars and wives) and painted her face. Then she went over the seven hills to the seven Mokona dwarfs' house and knocked upon the door.

At once Fai looked out the window and said, "I dare not let anyone in. You would not BELIEVE the trouble I've been having with old ladies these days!"

"I shall stay outside then," said the peasant woman, ignoring the old lady comment. "Only taste one of my apples. They are so fresh and sweet."  
"Sorry, can't."

"What? Are you afraid of poison, you silly child? Ha ha ha!"

"Eh heh heh heh…"

"See, I will cut the apple in two. You shall have the red part and I will take the white." The apple was so cleverly made that only the red part was poisoned, but when Fai saw that the peasant woman was unharmed, he could no longer resist and held out his hand for the fruit.

The moment he bit into it, he fell dead upon the ground. The apple's poison had done its work. "White as snow, red as blood, pure as ivory!" the queen cried. "Now stay dead."

When she went home she said to her looking glass:

"Looking glass, looking glass, on the wall,

Who in the land is fairest of all?"

It answered:

"… Thank God. Thou, O Queen, are fairest in the land."

At last her envious heart was glad.

(3) In the evening, the dwarfs found Fai lying on the ground. He did not breathe or move, and though they undid his apron ties and washed his face with wine and… more wine, it was no use; he was dead. So they laid him upon a bier and all seven watched and mourned him for three days' time.

They were going to bury him, but his white hair shone and his cheeks were red (barely) and pretty as if he were still alive. "We cannot hide him in the dark ground," they said, "It's too scary!" So they had a coffin made for him of transparent glass for all necrophiliacs to have some fun with. They laid Fai in it and in golden letters they wrote his name and that he was the dau-er, SON of a king. Then they put the coffin out upon the hill and took turns watching it, one at a time. The poor things were so emotionally attached to him. Cuuuuuute!

Fai lay for a long, long time in the coffin and he did not change, but looked as if he were only sleeping, for he was even now white as snow (well, DUH!), red as blood, and pure as ivory. It was quite a surprise that a cult didn't come around to worship this "miracle."

(4) Then it happened that a king's son, Kurogane, came into the forest and saw the coffin upon the hill. He knelt down before the beautiful Fai and read the golden letters. He was about to leave, but he was quickly attacked by the Mokona dwarfs.

"You can't have Fai!" they shouted, bouncing all over the poor guy. "We'll miss him too much!"

"Seven?" he growled, before throwing one of the Mokonas off of his face. "Whatever! I was just leaving anyway!"

"Wait a minute!" the head Mokona dwarf said, holding up one of its stubby paws to stop Kurogane from going any further. It then turned to the other Mokonas and continued, "This might be Fai's true love!"

"What the hell?" The Mokonas didn't hear Kurogane, though, because they were too busy dancing around him and singing "One day, Fai's prince will come!"

"KNOCK IT OFF!" he finally roared, kicking the poor Mokona dwarfs across the forest. "I'm leaving!"

"But you have to save Fai!"

"How can I save him if the guy's already dead? There's no logic!"

"Just do as the movie did!"

"Movie?"

"Yes!" the lead Mokona took charge again. "In the movie, Snow White is woken up from a kiss from her true love! Since you're here and nobody else has come, you must be the one to kiss Fai awake!"

"YAY! KISSY KISSY!"

"Like hell, ya' bunch of meat buns! Who's great idea was it to make SEVEN of you, anyway? I should kill them! And why did you talk about the movie? What's the book say?"

"Uuuuh, the same thing…"

"You're lying. Tell me the truth, now!" He quickly grabbed lead Mokona by the ears and glared at it.

"Okay," it sighed. "You beg us to let you keep Fai and his coffin and on the way back to your palace, your carriage hits a bump and it makes the poisoned part of the apple come out of Fai's throat."

"… I honestly don't know which is more disturbing. Right, since I can't leave this place until we finish the story, I'll just give him the Heimlich."

And so it was done. But sadly, unsuccessful. After about an hour of this, Kurogane was running out of patience and Fai's stomach was probably covered in bruises.

"We didn't know you were such a fan of foreplay, Kuro-rin!" the Mokonas were saying.

"Shut the hell up!" Kurogane shouted, dropping Fai back to wear he was originally laying. He then sighed in frustration. Knowing full well that unless he wanted to be stuck with seven Mokonas for an eternity he would have to kiss Fai, he gulped down his last bit of bad ass ninja pride.

Glaring at the Mokonas to make sure they didn't have any cameras on them (though, those jewels on their foreheads probably worked that way), Kurogane turned to Fai, slowly leaned down, and brushed his lips against the other's. As he pulled back, he looked into two perfectly blue eyes. He was then pulled back down for another kiss, this one with much tongue.

"Cut it out!" he yelled after finally getting free and wiping his mouth.

Fai grinned, saying, "I was still half asleep. Anyway, where am I?

Growling, Kurogane rolled up his sleeve and read his mandatory lines, "You are with me. Please stay with me and we shall be… married. I (damnit) love you more than anything on earth… Damn, I'm supposed to have just freakin' met you!"

"The original prince must have been a necrophiliac. But yes! I will marry you, Kuro-love!" Fai then jumped into Kurogane's arms, bridal style, and all the birds, animals, and rodents of the forest came to joyously celebrate this union by singing and merrily dancing around the couple with the seven Mokona dwarfs! (I don't think I need to describe the look on Kurogane's face at that moment.)

All the people from the king's land and the lands that bordered upon it were invited to the wedding feast, and among these was Yuuko, Fai's evil stepmother.

When she had dressed herself in her most splendid gown, she went before the looking glass and said:

"Looking glass, looking glass, on the wall,

Who-"

"Fai! Okay? It's Fai! GET OVER IT!"

When she heard this, the queen uttered a curse, but her envy and curiosity were so great that she went to the wedding feast to see her rival. And when she saw that it was Fai, she stood rigid with rage and terror. But iron slippers had been heated in the fire, and now they were brought to the queen with tongs and set upon the stone floor. She was forced to wear the red-hot shoes, and danced and danced until she fell down dead.

And they lived happily ever after!... Seriously, that's how it ends.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

**1.)** That part wasn't in the book. I just thought that it was cute! Was it?

**2.)** I'm not the only one who thinks that Fai's hair is effected by humidity, am I?

**3.)** Okay, at this point is where my typing may have gone downhill. I slashed up two of my typing fingers with a steak knife, then sliced my thumb with another knife at this restaurant the next day (this took three days to finish writing). Also, I don't use my right index finger cause I broke it a few years back and I just got into the habit of not using it. So, I'm sorry!

**4.)** And here is where it pretty much goes down hill, staying true to the original story that is.

**A/N:** I'm still debating what to do for next chapter. Jack and the Beanstalk, perhaps?

You know what to do!

Please leave a review!

As always, CONSTRUCTIVE criticism is welcomed with understanding.


	4. Sleeping Beauty

**Story:** Sleeping Beauty

**Date Written:** March 3, 2007

**Flo:** Yes, I've changed my pen name because a certain someone whom I dislike has started calling me by my nick name (Kalili) and so I now dislike that name.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

In a distant land there lived a king and queen who could have no children due to that fact that they were both men. But nothing else would give them pleasure, and they moved through their days as if they were in mourning. Okay, so maybe it was just the queen, but the king had to put up with it.

But after many, many years, the queen went on the internet and purchased a mail order baby, and they soon received a daughter. The christening was to be magnificent. For the child's godmothers, seven fairies were chosen. Each was to give her a gift, a talent or virtue that would make of the child perfection itself.

After the christening the company returned to he palace, where a great feast had been prepared to honor the seven fairies. Before each one was a golden plate with a knife and fork and spoon set with diamonds and rubies. There was a marvelous toast to the fairies and to the daughter. Event the king made a beautiful speech of how happy he was.

"I would like to take this time to remind everyone that I did not choose to marry this man. Yes, man! He and I were betrothed, meaning married by force and against our will! I have no clue what the hell our parents were thinking, but I would never under any circumstances willing marry such an annoying idiot! Do you understand?"

"Three cheers for the happy new parents!" Fairy Hokuto announced.

But as the king sulked, the queen laughed hysterically, and the court "huzzah"ed, the very old fairy, Yuuko, came into the hall. She had not been invited because she had shut herself in a high, distant tower for many years and it was thought that she was dead.

"Didn't she die?" the king whispered through clenched teeth to his queen.

"Apparently not," the queen answered in the same manner. "Just order a place set for her so it doesn't look like everyone thought that."

So the king order a place laid for Yuuko, but he could not give her a golden plate with a knife and fork and spoon as the others had, for only seven had been made (plus, he hated her). The old fairy was outraged and muttered threats beneath her breath. A young fairy, Tomoyo, who sat nearby heard her. Fearing that the uninvited one might harm the little princess, she hid herself behind the curtains. She wanted to give the last gift of all and in this way perhaps undo any evil that Yuuko was planning.

Soon it was time to give the gifts to the princess. The youngest fairy said she would grow up to be beautiful; the next that she should have the wit of an angel; the third promised her grace; the fourth gave her the gift of dancing; the fifth, the gift of singing; and the last fairy said she would be able to play sweet music on any instrument she took up. Everything to make everyone hate her.

Now it was the old fairy's turn. She came near to the cradle, her head shaking with rage and spite. "The young princess' beauty and accomplishments will not help her," she announced. "For one day she will prick her hand on a tiny spindle and when this happens, she will die. Bwa ha ha ha ha ha! Oh, I always wanted to laugh evilly for a reason!" The terrible gift made all the company tremble and weep, and the queen could not be comforted.

"All this because we didn't invite you?!" the queen exclaimed. "You bitch!"

"It's not our fault everyone thought you were dead!" the king added. "Maybe if you didn't decide to be anti-social, we would've remembered!"

But at this instant Tomoyo, who had hidden came from behind the curtains, cried out, "No, my kind and queen, your child will not die of this wound. It is true, I have not the power to change an older fairy's gift. The princess will indeed prick her finger with a spindle. But instead of dying, she shall only fall into a deep sleep. It will last a hundred years, and at the end of it a king's son will come and awaken her."

"Oh, well that just makes everything SO much better," the king muttered, receiving a pop across the head from the queen.

"Would you rather her be dead?" the queen hissed.

The young fairy's words were of scant comfort. To avoid the misfortune that had been foretold for his daughter, the king ordered all the spindles in the kingdom to be destroyed; anyone even found spinning was to put to death. This made the queen very happy because it showed how much "Kuro-daddy" cared about their little Sakura-chan!

Fifteen or sixteen years afterward the king and queen were away in the countryside and the young princess was running about in the palace. She went from room to room and came at last into the little garret on top of the tower, where an old woman was spinning with her spindle. The old woman had never heard of the king's orders and so had gone on making her thread in the way of her mother and grandmother before. It seemed she had gone the way of Yuuko and decided to be anti-social.

"What are you doing, my good woman?" asked the princess.

"I am spinning, pretty child," said the old woman, for she did not know who the princess was (geez, how long was she up there?).

"How clever! How do you do it? Give it to me so I can try."

Either because she was careless or because the old fairy had ordained it, no sooner had the girl taken the spindle than it pierced her hand and she fell down in a swoon. The good old woman cried out for help. Servants and courtiers and ladies came running from every room in the palace. They threw water upon the princess' face; they unlaced her and struck her on the palms of her hands and rubbed her temples with cologne. But it was no use; nothing would awaken her.

Then the king, who had returned from the countryside, saw that the old fairy's cruel gift had come to pass and his daughter must sleep for a hundred years. By his order she was carried into the finest room in the palace and laid upon a bed embroidered and she was as beautiful as ever. It is true that her eyes were shut, but those who listened closely could hear her breathe, so they knew she was not dead.

Tomoyo was far away in the kingdom of Matakin (wherever that is), but a dwarf in the seven-league boots (whatever THAT is) came there to give her the news. At once, Tomoyo left for the palace in a fiery chariot drawn by dragons. The king greeted her gently and showed her the room where the princess slept. Though the fairy saw that she was well provided for and complimented the queen's lovely choice of bedding for Sakura, she thought how sad the princess would be when she woke up alone in that great palace with the people she knew dead and gone.

So she touched everyone with her magic ring. She touched the housekeepers, the maid-in-waiting, the courtiers, the cooks, the scullions, and the footmen. Then she went into the stable and touched the horses and the stable boys. She even touched, Mokona, the princess' rabbit… thing. At once they all fell fast asleep and would not wake until the princess woke. Everything in the palace was motionless. The spits on the fire with their partridge meats and pheasants stopped turning, and the flames died down and slept.

The king and queen watched the fairy in silence. And when she was done they kissed their beloved daughter good-bye and left the palace forever.

"WHAT?!" the queen shouted, completely shocked. "What do you mean we have to leave?!"

"The freakin' rabbit gets to stay, for Christ's sake!" the king yelled. "Where the hell is the logic in this world?!"

"But that's how the story goes," Tomoyo said. "Although, it is just so sweet to see the two of you so worried and loving of your daughter! So, okay, I'll put you to sleep also!"

"Yay!" the queen cheered, latching onto the king and giving him a kiss on the cheek. Before the king could start a tirade about it, Tomoyo touched them both with her ring and they quickly fell asleep in each others arms. She then took a picture, since fairy Hokuto requested her to catch any touching moments between the two.

Within a quarter of an hour, a great number of trees interlaced with brambles and thorns grew up around the park and formed a hedge so thick that neither man nor beast could penetrate it and so tall that only the tallest turrets of the palace could be seen. In this way the fairy made a magical safe place where the princess could sleep in peace.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

At the end of a hundred years the son of a king, Syaoran, who lived nearby went hunting in the countryside. He asked the people about the turrets he saw in the woods and why the hedge grew there so thickly. Each told him a different story. Some said it was a place full of ghosts; others said the witches went there to hold their Sabbath meetings; still others said it was the home of an ogre who caught children and ate them alive.

The prince did not know what to believe. Then a very old man said to him, "Please, You Highness, more than fifty years past I heard my father say there was at one time in this castle a princess, the most beautiful ever seen. Because she was bewitched she must sleep for a hundred years and could be awakened only by a prince."

Never had the king's son heard of such a marvelous adventure. It defied all logic, but fired by love and the desire for archeological exploration, he resolved at once to gain entry to the palace. He prepared to cut down the hedge with his sword, but as soon as he came there all the great trees, the bushes, and the brambles parted to let him pass through. He came out upon a broad avenue and at the end of it was the palace. But when he looked behind to see if his servants were still with him, he discovered that the hedge had closed again and he was all alone. However, this did not deter him, for he was a young prince in search of love and archeological exploration. No, duh, people.

Quickly he walked into the palace courtyard, but what he saw made him stop in amazement. A frightful silence hung over the place and the image of death was everywhere. A score of men were outstretched upon the paving stones, their limbs at grotesque angles. But then the prince saw beside the porters goblets still filled with wine. He leaned down next to them and felt the movement of their chests and then he knew they were alive and had fallen asleep while drinking their wine.

Next he crossed a court paved with marble and came into a guard room. Guards were standing in their ranks with their muskets on their shoulders and snoring with all their might. He went upstairs and through several rooms filled with people, men and women both, and what appeared to be a king and… queen? Yeah, queen snuggling in the middle of the throne room. He chose to just ignore that and continue through the palace.

Finally, he entered a gilded chamber where he saw upon a bed embroidered with gold and silver a girl of fifteen or sixteen years. Her coral lips were parted slightly and her beauty was so luminous that she seemed to almost shine. The prince approached her, trembling, and fell upon his knees.

Then, as the end of the enchantment had come, the princess awoke. She gazed at the king's son tenderly as if she already knew him. "Is it you, my prince?" she said at last. "You have waited a long time."

"I-I don't get to kiss you?" he asked, immediately regretted letting that thought slip.

"Kiss me?!" the princess said, blushing furiously. "Why would you when we've just met?"

"Well, um, I always heard the story as the princess being awakened by true loves first kiss?"

"Yeah, that did me in, too, kid," the king said from behind Syaoran. "Damn Disney."

"Oh, but they make everything so much sweeter!" the queen protested. "Though, I do agree with this version just because we don't want Syaoran to be naughty and take advantage of Kuro-myu and I's little Sakura, right?"

"But didn't Kurogane-san kiss you in 'Snow White', Fai-san?" Sakura asked. "I mean, Mom?"

"Well, yes, but luckily I had seven Mokonas watching to make sure Kuro-pon wasn't going to rape me." Syaoran's face was redder than a radish.

"Rape you?!" the king yelled, and proceeded to chase the queen down the hall just like old times.

Turning to Syaoran, Sakura said, "But I am very happy to see that you've broken the spell."

The prince was thrilled by her words and told her that he loved her better then he did himself (what a guy!). They spoke for many hours, and though their conversation made little sense, it hardly mattered. The princess laughed merrily and nodded at the prince's remarks. It was almost as if she had imagined the moment of her awakening many times over and knew what he would say. Perhaps the good fairy, during so long a sleep, had given her very pleasant dreams.

In the meantime, all the palace had woken with the princess, hence the king and queen still running around. They were naturally concerned with their own needs, and since they were not in love, they were ready to keel over with hunger (see? Chock full of logic!). The lady of honor at last lost patience and told the princess that dinner must be served. At this the prince helped her up from the bed. Her clothing was magnificent, but he took care not to tell her that she was dressed like his grandmother.

They went together into the great mirrored hall, where they ate their meal to the old-fashioned melodies of violins and oboes that had been silent for a hundred years. After supper the chaplain married them in the palace chapel without losing any time, aside from the king's protests about being too young and just meeting. That night they slept little, as the princess was so well rested and they still had much to say (uh-huh). And in the morning, as dawn was breaking, they traveled to the prince's city where his parents eagerly awaited them, leaving everyone who had been put to sleep just for the princess to not have a princess anymore.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

**A/N:** You know, the parents really do leaved in the story. I had no idea why and always thought that that was extremely unfair, so I had Kurogane and Fai stay! Yay!

I know I didn't keep to what I said last chapter and wrote Sleeping Beauty instead of Jack and the Beanstalk, but hopefully I'll keep to this when I say **Rapunzal is next!**


	5. Rapunzel

**Date Written:** March 12, 2007

**Flo: **I've cleaned my room from top to bottom all to keep my patience for chapter 146, which Flo has been bad and read spoilers that promise KuroFai-ness! But seriously, Saturday rolled around and I just couldn't take it! NEED 146!

**WARNINGS!:** This is kind of spoiler-ish for the Acid Tokyo arc. Sorry! I had to, but I didn't outright say anything! I think... But I can give you a site if you want to read scanlations of the chapters that aren't officially here in America yet, if I strike a cord of curiousity.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

**Rapunzel**

A man and his wife had long wished for a child, and after many years had passed it seemed that at last they were to have one… Okay, this goes on for, like, two whole pages and I couldn't figure out anyone who could be the parents, so I'm just going to give you a summary of it:

Wife sees some rapunzel, which is apparently something you can eat, and forces her husband to keep getting some or else she'll die 'cause she's pms-ing and won't eat anything else, witch owner Yuuko finds out, gets pissed, husband turns into a coward and lets the witch ask for his soon to be born baby. Now to the interesting part (aka, some shonen-ai!).

In the man's fear, he consented to everything, and when the baby was born the witch came for him and gave him the name Fai, though the rapunzel obsessed wife was crying that he should have been named Rapunzel. Ch'. Freak.

As the years went by, Fai grew to be the most eautiful child imaginable and the witch was insistent on not cutting his hair and putting him in girl clothes. When he was twelve, the witch took him away and shut him up in a tower that stood in a forest. Nobody knows why. It had neither staircase nor doors and only a little window high up in the wall. Each time the witch wanted to come in, she would stand below it and cry:

"Rapunzel, Rapunzel,

Let down you hair."

To which Fai would reply: "Why do you keep calling me that if you thought Rapunzel was a stupid name?"

To which the witch would reply: "It sounds better! Now if you don't want me to beat your ass, let down you hair already!"

Fai had magnificent long hair, as fine as spun gold. When he heard the witch's voice, he would unfasten his braids and twist them round a hook by the window. Then the hair would fall twenty feet down and the witch would climb up on it.

Some time later it happened that the king's son, Kurogane, was riding through the forest and passed close by the tower. As he did, a large pillow stuffed with empty hair care products hit him in the head and off his horse. When he deduced that it came from the random tower, he desperately wanted to climb up there and kill whoever did that. So he circled around and looked for a door to the tower, but none was to be found.

He rode home but his thoughts were haunted by revenge, and he returned again and again to the forest to figure out how to get in (why not use a hook thing?), preferably by surprise. Once, when he was hidden behind a tree, he saw a witch come to the tower and call out:

"Rapunzel, Rapunzel,

Let down your hair."

Then Fai lowered his hair and the witch climbed up to him. "What that hell?" he said to himself. "Whatever. If that's the means to getting up there, then I'll do it." And the next day, when it began to grow dark, he went to the tower and cried:

"Rapunzel, Rapunzel,

Let down you hair."

At once the hair was lowered and Kurogane climbed up on it.

"Oh my!" Fai cried. "I am terrified for I have never seen a man before!"

"You are a man!" Kurogane shouted. "In drag… Why did they make YOU Rapunzel, anyway?"

"That is classified information that cannot be revealed to you, specifically, due to the fact that it is a spoiler and CLAMP has not yet mentioned to whom my past shall be shown to."

"… Whatever."

The king's son spoke to him gently and told him how annoyed he had been for he past few days, but it was now okay since Fai was hot. Then Fai lost his fear, and when Kurogane asked if he would have him for his husbride, Fai agreed. He could see that he was young and handsome and he thought that he was kind. Isn't that all that really matters when agreeing to be married to someone you've just met, not to mention an entire gender you had no idea existed? "He will love me better than old Mother Yuuko does," Fai said to himself, and he laid his hand in Kurogane's in a death grip.

"I will gladly go with you," he told him. "But I do not know how I am to get down from this tower. I'll tell you what. When you come each evening, you must bring me a skein of silk to twist into a ladder."

"What's a 'skein'?"

"I don't know, that's why you're getting it! As soon as it is long enough I will come down upon it and we will ride away on your horse and into the sunset!"

The witch knew nothing until one day Fai said to her, "Tell me, Mother Yuuko, why is it that you are so much heavier to draw up than the hot bod' prince?"

"Oh, you stupid child!" cried the witch. "I thought I had separated you from all the world and yet you have deceived me. Though, I don't know how since that was probably the dumbest slip up I have ever heard … And you're telling me that that muscle bond hulk of a man is heavier than ME?! I am not fat!" In her rage she seized Fai's beautiful hair, twisted it twice round her left hand, and cut it off with a pair of shears. When the hair lay upon the ground, she took poor Fai into a vast wilderness and abandoned her there. (No idea how they got down if Fai's hair was cut, but oh well! Maybe Yuuko can fly.)

In the evening the witch returned to the tower and fastened the hair onto a hook by the window. She waited until the prince came and called:

"Rapunzel, Rapunzel,

Let down your hair."

And then she lowered it. The prince climbed up, and there, crouched beneath the window, was the witch, who glared at him with rage and wickedness.

"Ah," she cried mockingly, "you have come to fetch your love. But the pretty bird had flown from his nest and he can pleasure you no more. Fai is lost to you. Never shall you see him again."

In his pain and grief the prince leaped from the tower…

"Ah ha ha!" laughed the witch. "I bet you are so filled with pain and grief that you want to jump out of this very tower! … Well, go ahead! I will not stop you!"

"I'm not jumping," said the prince, his arms crossed. "See, this being the fourth story, I've figured out that I'm going to be humiliated in some way, shape, or form so I had the kid read ahead for me. Like hell I'm going to jump out of a twenty foot tower only to have my freakin' eyes gauged out by thorns, followed by me crying and running around the forest like a pansy! Can you even cry without an eye in the socket?!"

"You should ask Fai."

"Why would I do that?"

"Crap. Uh, okay how about this? If you don't jump, then I will melt your sword and make a statue of Mokona with it."

The prince growle- "I am not some prissy prince, already!"

"You're not suppose to hear the narrator! Now jump, damnit!"

The witch proceeded to shoved Kurogane out of the window, which took quite some time, but he finally fell when Yuuko used her high heel. Though he was not killed, his eyes were pierced by the thorns among which he fell.

"Son of a bitch!"

"It's destiny!"(1) cried the witch.

Cursing and hitting everything he ran into, he roamed about blindly in the forest and had nothing but roots and berries to eat. After many years of wandering alone he at last came into the wilderness where Fai lived in poverty and wretchedness… Does that mean he was whoring himself?

The prince smelled sweet hair product and it seemed so familiar to him to that he went toward it. Fai knew him at once and fell weeping upon his neck. Two of his tears wetted his eyes and they grew clear again so he could see all that was before him.

Then he took Fai back to his kingdom, where they were greeted with great rejoicing, and they lived for a long time afterward in happiness and peace... Kind of. The prince was still pissed off at the which for pushing him out of the window.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

**1.)** I couldn't remember how to spell that thing Yuuko's always saying, but it's basically "destiny", right? Tell me if I'm wrong.

**A/N:** Hm, I don't know what to do for the next chapter. Maybe Puss n' Boots?


	6. Pus, er, Mokona in Boots

**Date Written:** March 15, 2007

**Flo:** Yes, Puss in Boots is an actual story. And, I just read some spoilers for chapter 147, and assuming they're true, I can sing this: **_I WAS RIGHT! I WAS RIGHT! LA LA LA! FLO WAS RIGHT!_** Yes, I have an "I was right!" song and an "I told you so!" song. Probably some middle child thing. What was Flo right about? Well, I was… hmmm, how to put this in a non-spoiler way? "Relationship separation" of the group. No, that is not anything romantic.

**REGARDING THE PAIRINGS!** I actually mean to make this KuroFai, SakuraSyaoran, KuroFai, SakuraSyaoran, you get me? I probably didn't make the SakuraSyaoran as pronounced in Sleeping Beauty as I did for KuroFai in my others, but I'm going to work on that! This one, though, is not really anything. Mainly Mokona being an idol!

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

**Mokona in Boots**

Far out in the countryside there was a poor miller who died, leaving his three sons all that he owned. No lawyers were called in, as they would have taken everything which we all know is because they are evil. Instead, the sons divided the property among themselves. The eldest took the mill, the second the donkey, and the third was left with the miller's rabbit, Mokona. Jackpot.

The youngest, Syaoran, was unhappy at having so poor a share. "My brothers can join together and earn a living," said he. "But once I have eaten my rabbit and made a muff from his skin, I will surely die of hunger… I am such an ungrateful person!" And so he began to let a dark cloud overtake his mind. (1)

Mokona had been eavesdropping and now it decided to speak. "Do not fret, Syaoran-kun!" it said in a respectful and "serious" tone. "Only give me a stout sack and a pair of boots to protect my feet from the brambles and look super cute in and you will find you have received the best portion of your father's estate! Hyuu!"

Though the youth had little trust in the words of a rabbit, he had seen the creature play many clever tricks to snare rats and mice and so decided to give it what it asked. And the fact that it was talking made it even more trustworthy!

Mokona put on it's boots and slung the sack around it's pudgy, little body. Then it went to a place it knew of, where many rabbits came to eat. It put a quantity of bran and some thistle leaves into it's sack and stretched out near it as if it were a corpse. Soon, one of it's brethren jumped into the sack and the rabbit pulled the drawstring tight and killed him. It was easier since Mokona was a magic rabbit and so was not technically related to the bunny. (Still disturbing, though, huh?)

Proudly, Mokona took it's prey to the palace and asked to speak with King Kurogane. It had decided that it's master was to be called the Marquis of Carabas, and when it was brought into the king's apartment, it bowed low, saying, "Look, King Kuro-puu! Mokona has a rabbit that my noble lord, the Marquis of Carabas, has commanded me to present to you!"

"Well, at least I'm not some prissy prince," the king muttered before sucking up his pride and continuing to Mokona, "Thank your master for me and tell him I am well pleased with his gift."

Another time, Mokona carried it's sack and hid it's self among some standing corn. When a brace of partridges ran into the sack, it drew the strings and so caught them both. Again Mokona presented it's prey to the king and again the king thanked him after much nagging from his advisor, Tomoyo.

For two or three months the rabbit continued to bring it's master's game to the king, who, after a while, was able to use all the furs to give to Tomoyo to make some clothes as a distraction from teasing him.

One day, when Mokona knew the king would be out along the riverside with his beautiful daughter, Sakura, it said to it's master, "If you will but follow my advise, your fortune shall be made! You must bathe in the river at a place I show you and then leave the rest to me."

"… Why?" Syaoran asked, pretty freaked out about bathing in public. Plus, his rabbit of all things has told him to.

"Why not? It's refreshing and you'll feel so free! Are you nervous that you're not mature-?"

"N-No! Alright, I'll do it! Just please tell me that that jewel on your forehead is not a camera?"

So Syaoran went off to bathe without ever knowing specifically why Mokona wanted him to and he never really got an answer about the camera. But no sooner had he jumped into the water than the king passed by and the cat cried out loudly, "Help! Help! My lord, the Marquis of Carabas, is drowning!"

"What are you doing?!" Syaoran shouted in desperation, crouching low in the river to hide himself. Sadly, that only made the drowning thing seem more real.

At this commotion, the king looked out the window of his coach and recognized the rabbit thing who had so often brought him game. Quickly he commanded his guards to save it's lordship's dying pride, the Marquis of Carabas.

While they were drawing the marquis from the river, Mokona came up to the coach and told the king it's master's clothes had been stolen by some perverts, who had run off with them. But the cunning rabbit had hidden the clothing under a large stone. Quickly the king commanded a servant to hurry to the palace and fetch one of his own suits for the Marquis of Carabas, despite the fact that it would have made more sense for them all to go there for the clothes and let Syaoran go on his merry way home.

When he was dressed, he looked fine and handsome and Sakura thought she liked him very much. Without the need of any instruction from his rabbit, the Marquis of Carabas treated her with affection and tenderness and soon she was quite in love with him. Though, he couldn't help but feel nervous since her father was right there and he knew he was being glared at.

As they rode through the countryside, Mokona ran on before them, overjoyed that it's scheme had begun to succeed. Coming upon some mowers who were scything a meadow, it said, "Good people, you must tell the king that the meadow you mow belongs to the Marquis of Carabas, or you shall be chopped into tiny pieces like herbs for the pot. Hyuu!"

Then the king stopped his coach by the meadow and asked the mowers who owned it (he wanted to buy it in order to build somewhere for his advisor to go and leave him alone). "The Marquis of Carabas," they answered all together, for they were afraid of the evil bunny's threat.

"You have a fine estate there," said the king to Syaoran.

"Yes, sire," said the marquis quickly, "an it yields a plentiful harvest each year." Lying to the king, eh? Impressive.

Mokona, who went on before them, soon met some reapers. "Good people," it said, "if you do no say that the corn you are reaping belongs to the Marquis of Carabas, you shall be chopped as small as herbs for the pot. Grrr!" It followed this warning with an adorable giggle to show how pleased it was for striking fear into their hearts.

The king when he passed asked the reapers who owned all the corn.

"The Marquis of Carabas," they answered at once.

Mokona gave the same warning to all it met, and the king and his daughter were astonished at the vast estates of the Marquis of Carabas and how immensely sweaty he was.

At last Mokona came to a great castle that was commanded by a wizard (2), the richest ever known. All the lands that the king had passed through were part of the wizard's holdings. Mokona had taken care to learn everything it could about the wizard and now asked to see him, saying it had come to pay it's respects.

The wizard received him as politely as a wizard could, which was actually quite nice since the rose petals for Mokona's entrance added wonderful effect, and made it sit down

"Fai?!" Mokona gasped. "You're wearing PANTS?!"

"Yes," Fai the Wizard said. "I do miss the breeze, but it feels nice to have my true gender recognized." (3)

"Yeah, I was getting a bit confused. Anyway, I have been told that you are able to change yourself into all sorts of creatures; that you can, for example, transform yourself into a lion."

"That is so," said the wizard roughly, but with a charming smile. Hard to pull off, I must say, but he did it. "And just to convince you I shall now become a lion!"

When it saw a huge lion so near, Mokona became terrified and jumped up on the roof. It's boots skidded and slipped upon the tiles and it nearly fell to it's death. But when the wizard became only a wizard once more, the rabbit came down and was consoled by the wizard because it was crying.

"I have also been told," it said to the wizard after it was calmed down with a cupcake, "that you can take the shape of tiny creatures; that you can, for example, transform yourself into a rat or even a mouse. But I must tell you I find this hard to believe."

"Hard to believe! You will soon see!" cried the wizard. And he change himself into a mouse and began to scamper about on the floor. The rabbit lost no time, but fell upon him and was going to eat him in one bite, but when it remembered how nice he had been, Mokona put him inside a small cage to later give to the king.

Speaking of which, the king soon after arrived at the wizard's castle and decided to stop there. Why? Because! Stop asking questions! The rabbit, who heard the coach pass over the drawbridge, ran outside and said to the king, "Welcome, Your Majesty, to the castle of the Marquis of Carabas."

"Damn," said the king. "Come, let us go inside."

Without a word, Syaoran gave his hand to the Sakura after her father had turned his back, and they followed the king. First they came into a great hall, where they found a splendid banquet the wizard had prepared for some friends. But the friends had seen the king's coach outside and so had not dared to enter since they knew they'd get their asses kicked.

Impressed by the vast wealth of the Marquis of Carabas and realizing his daughter was in love with him, the king said at last, "You will have only yourself to blame, my lord Marquis, if you are not soon my son-in-law."

True, that was said with obvious difficulty, but the marquis bowed very low and accepted the honor the king had conferred upon him. That very same day he married the princess. Mokona became a great lord and never again ran after mice except for the fun of it with his new best friend, the wizard!

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

**1.)** I've always seen Syaoran as a kid who would feel horrible for any type of selfishness he presented, you know what I mean?

**2.)** This was originally an ogre, but I didn't want to make Fai or Yuuko into an ugly ogre. So, I changed him into a wizard!

**3.)** I'm going to be honest with all of you. I had no clue how often I had put Fai in a dress. I'm serious! My mind was like this after I read the reviews: "Tra la la la l-!" –_hits a brick wall_- "Holy crap!" But I got three guys and two girls to work with (one of which I'm only using for a villain) and Kurogane and Syaoran would be horrible drag queens! Anyway, I decided to poke some fun at myself there and I will pay more attention to my character placements, okay?

**A/N:** I SWEAR the next one will be totally SakuraSyaoran! Might take a while, but I'll do it, by golly! Any ideas for them?


	7. Rumplestiltskin

**Date Written:** June 20, 2007

**Kurogane:** … Oi, wasn't this-?

**Flo:** Yes, now shut up.

**Fai:** But you promised your readers-

**Flo:** I'm still giving it to them, just in a different story.

**Syaoran:** But-

**Flo:** JUST SHUT UP AND READ!

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

**Rumpelstiltskin**

There once was a miller, Fai, who was very poor, yet his daughter, Sakura, was more beautiful than any maiden in the land (of course). One day it happened that the miller met the king, Kurogane. In complete awe of the man's sexiness, Fai struck up a conversation with him. "I have a daughter who can spin straw into gold," the miller said, trying to get the king's attention as he chased after him.

"Is that so?" said the king, stopping. Suddenly finding a way to maybe get this miller to stop stalking him, he continued, "Such a skill interests me greatly. Bring your daughter to the castle tomorrow and then we shall see what we shall see."

Once home, Fai told his daughter exactly what had happened with the king, or "Kuro-king" as he was known in that household, along with a few exaggerated details. However, they were no where near as bad as what he said he told Kuro-king Sakura could do.

"What?!" she squeaked. "B-But I can't spin straw into gold!"

"You can't?" Fai asked, completely shocked. "… Oh yeah, I adopted you so you don't have my magic genes… well, crap."

After a failed attempt at selflessly trying to give up his body for the king's own pleasure in exchange for his daughter's freedom, Sakura was led away from her father to a little room filled with straw by the king's son, Syaoran. He gave her a spinning wheel and a winder and said, "Now you must set to work quickly. If by dawn tomorrow this straw has not been spun into gold you will have to die." Right before he closed the door, he sadly gazed at the girl and prayed that she would be able to do it.

The girl heard a key turn in the lock. She was entirely alone and terrified, for she had not the least idea how straw could be spun into gold. The hours passed and it grew darker and darker, and at last she threw herself upon the straw, weeping for her life. Suddenly the door sprang open. Before her stood a tiny… thing. It was not even as tall as her waist. Well, more like mid-calf. Not even that high, actually. Anyway!

"Are you from the suicide hotline?" Sakura asked.

"No, even better!" the white ball of fluff answered. "I am from the Do Everything Manjuu Service! We provide our 108 secret techniques to others in need for a small price! My card." It proceeded to spit out a small card with the company's logo and owner (a lady with a large chest giving a thumbs up, approving the service). "So what is your problem, young girl? Why are you weeping?"

"I was told to spin gold out of straw and I don't know how to do it."

"What will you give me if I spin it for you?"

"You shall have my necklace," she said.

At this time, the little manjuu seated itself before the spinning wheel and began to work. The wheel whirred and sang all through the night and one by one the spools piled near it were filled with gold.

When the prince unlocked the door and saw the glittering gold, his mouth fell open in astonishment. "You… You did it!" he said and quickly went to hug the girl in congratulations. When taken in Prince Syaoran's arms, Sakura couldn't stop the blush creeping up her face and her stomach filled with butterflies. After a short while, Prince Syaoran realized how forward he was being and quickly (but reluctantly) backed away sputtering his apologies.

"N-No, it's okay!" Sakura told him. "I… I didn't mind at all."

Sadly, this moment was ruined by the girl's father rushing in and nearly tackling her with his hug. "Sakura!" he was wailing. "I am so sorry for all of this! They can kill... me?" When Fai had opened his eyes, he was more than shocked to see the room filled with gold.

The same went for the king standing in the doorway. He could have sworn that the idiot miller had been lying to him, yet it seemed he was wrong. However, he sensed a very strong magic coming from the miller himself and was suspicious of the blonde. It was possible that he had cast a spell to change the straw into the gold he saw before him. If that was the case, then he had to fix that and try it again.

"You did well," King Kurogane said. "Now let us see how much more gold you can spin for me tonight." He led her (his son and the miller following) to another room filled with straw and this one was much larger than the first. "If you value your life, you will spin it all by morning. And you!" He whirled around and pointed at a slightly panicking Fai.

"Yes?!" he quickly said, eyes darting around the straw filled room, obviously trying to think of something to get his daughter and himself out of this.

"You are to stay with me tonight in order to prevent you from doing any magic for your daughter."

Silence. Fai looked at his daughter, then to the king, back to his daughter, back to the king. He then grabbed his head and let out a frustrated cry. The perfect opportunity to get with the king of sexiness had just been lain out before him, but because he had stupidly put his daughter was in peril, he could in no way enjoy it. Life wasn't fair!

As the king dragged the miller away (to the miller's mixed delight), the prince stayed behind for a while with the miller's daughter.

"I'm sure you can do it," Syaoran said, a kind smile on his face. "You were able to last night, tonight shouldn't be any different, right?"

Sakura could only give a weak nod before he left her again, locking the door behind him. The prince's kind words gave Sakura a bit of strength and confidence, but she still had no more idea how to spin the straw into gold than she did the first time. That was when she remembered the card the little manjuu had given her the night before. She took it out of her apron pocket and found that there was writing on the back.

_To summon one of our top employees, simply toss card into air and repeat the words written below. Thank you for choosing Do Everything Manjuu Service! We value you, the customer, above all else!_

With a shrug, Sakura tossed the card into the air as instructed, and shouted, "Do Everything Manjuu Service! Release and dispel!"

Suddenly the door opened and the little manjuu appeared. "What will you give me if I spin the straw into gold?" it demanded.

"The ring from my finger," she said without hesitation.

And so it began to work again at the spinning wheel, and by morning it was done. Not a piece of straw remained in the room, only spools and spools of gold.

That morning, the miller, prince, and king were again surprised that she was able to complete her task once again. As Prince Syaoran and Fai praised her on a job well done, King Kurogane was beginning to think that the miller had actually been telling the truth and his daughter could in fact spin straw into gold. The man hadn't done anything suspicious that night (not counting the constant teasing and many other unmentionable things that the king really wasn't too objective of), so that only left the girl alone.

However, King Kurogane thought while seeing the way his son looked at the girl, my son has been the one entrusted with the key to the chambers. He wouldn't dare disobey me… but just to be on the safe side.

He led the miller's daughter to a third room, far bigger than the first two and filled to the top with straw. "Tonight you must spin all this into gold. If you succeed, you shall marry my son."

"F-Father!" Prince Syaoran stuttered, his face a bright red along with Sakura's. "I, uh, I! I! I!"

"You what?"

"Sh-Shouldn't we ask first?"

"… You don't want to marry her?"

"N-No! I mean, no I do want to-AH! I…"

Before he could continue, Fai covered his mouth and looked to Sakura. "What do you think of this?"

From the hallway, some random sexist pig scoffed and said, "A WOMAN cannot decide such things!" before a sniper shot him. King Kurogane's kingdom had equal rights for all and accepted everybody!

But back to Sakura. The girl looked to her father, eyes wide as saucers and somehow managed an, "I-It sounds wonderful!" to which Prince Syaoran seemed to literally wilt at. King Kurogane took that opportunity to take the key from him to keep watch over it himself and led his son and the miller out of the room after the miller kissed his daughter and wished her luck.

Once she thought it to be safe, Sakura took the card out again, tossed it in the air, and shouted, "Do Everything Manjuu Service! Release and dispel!"

The little manjuu came again and said for the third time, "What will you give me if I spin the straw into gold for you?"

"I have nothing more I can give you," she answered, head down.

"Promise me your first child if you should marry the prince," the little manjuu said. "Yuuko loves babies!"

The maiden hesitated for a while, but then thought of the consequences for her and her father. Perhaps it might not even happen, she thought. And so she agreed. Without another word the little manjuu set to work, and soon all the straw was spun into gold. When the king came in and saw it, he married Sakura off to his son at once. Despite the rush of it all, the two were obviously happy and after surprisingly little pleading from the now princess of the land, Fai was allowed to stay and act as court magician. Now they were all one big happy family (even though the kind would strongly deny it).

About a year later a beautiful child was born to her. She had forgotten all about the little manjuu and their company's policy for payment, but she had made her promise and the very next day it was there in her room. "Ooooh! What a cute baby!" it said. "Gimme!"

Sakura was horrified and told the little manjuu it could have all the wealth of the kingdom if it would let her keep the child. But it cared nothing for riches. "We've already signed the verbal contract-"

"But how can you sign a verbal-?"

"-and the Do Everything Manjuu Service doesn't 'do everything' for free, ya' know. Yuuko would be very unhappy to find out someone broke such a contract. Words are very powerful!"

At this, Sakura got an idea. "If words are really as powerful as you say, then wouldn't names be even more powerful?"

"Yup! Sakura-chan is very smart!"

"Thank you! Daddy says that, too! But since names are more powerful, how about we make a deal?" The little manjuu leaned in closer as the princess continued. "You give me three days to guess your name. If I guess correctly, I keep my child. But if I don't, then Watanuki is yours." (1)

During the night the princess remembered all the names she had ever known, wrote them down and even sent a messenger into the countryside to discover what other names there were. When the little manjuu appeared the next day, she began to call them out one by one. "Are you Caspar? Are you Melchior? Are you Balzer?"

But each time it only shook its head/entire body and said, "No, that is not my name."

On the second day, Fai told his daughter the most strange and unusual names from the farthest parts of the kingdom (to which King Kurogane began to wonder if he was making them up). "Perhaps your name is Cowribs?" she said to the little manjuu when it came. "Perhaps it is Spindleshanks? Perhaps it is Laclegs?"

"No, that is not my name," it said again and again, and now only one day remained. Sakura was beginning to panic.

The next morning, Prince Syaoran returned to the palace, riding hard. "I have found no more names," he told his wife. "But as I came to a high mountain at the end of the forest, I saw a little company building with a fire burning in front and around it a strange little manjuu was hopping on one leg and singing:

Today I bake, tomorrow I brew,

The next the girl's child Yuuko will claim.

Lucky it is that no one knows

That Rumpelstiltskin is my name.

Sakura squealed with delight at this and flung her arms around her husband, she was so grateful for that name. Soon afterward the little manjuu came back and asked, "Now what names have you for me today?"

"Is your name Klaus?" she said.

"No."

"Is it Heinz?"

"No."

"Is it perhaps… Rumpelstiltskin?"

"AH! Rumpelstiltskin is found out!" screamed the little manjuu. "That was a fun game! Let's play again!"

"You still can't have my baby!" Sakura was beginning to get rather frustrated with all of this. Really, she had to have a near heart attack three nights in a row with the whole "spin straw into gold" thing, was married, got pregnant not three months later, and then right after she gave birth was threatened to have her baby taken away from her! She was getting sick of this.

"I know, I know! But maybe somebody else can play? That king looked like fun! OH! I can have him turned into a beast and if he doesn't guess my name, he stays like that forever until someone can love him despite his ungliness!"

Before Sakura could say anything, the little manjuu, Rumplestiltskin, was hopping down the hallway. She stood there for a while, dumbfounded, until Watanuki began to cry. Then it was the farthest thing from her mind except when she saw a white blur and her father in law run past.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

**1.)** I couldn't help myself! Hm, I suppose that could be a theory as to who Watanuki's parents are (Ooooh! I just read the spoilers for the next chapter and I think we're getting there!), but I doubt it. Don't take me seriously.

**A/N:** … Wow. I don't know this came from! It's like, the same PLOT as Rumplestiltskin what with the whole spinning straw into gold and having to guess the thing's name, but really… way off. But that's a good thing. Hope you liked the SakuSyao fluff! I thought it to be okay seeing how I don't really write it. But I hope I can make a chapter with it in my collection of one shot fluffs!

**Finally**, I actually made this two pages longer than it originally was. Be happy.

**Next Chapter!** No more of this (meaning announcing the next chapter). Cinderella might take a while, it's not that easy to cast everyone and make it humorous (shocking, I know). So no more of this "next chapter" business. **Still taking suggestions, though!** Like I want to do this one a reviewer suggested… can't remember what, I'll have to check.


	8. Hansel and Gretel

**Date Written:** February 21, 2008

**Flo:** I haven't updated something in forever, have I? Well, more like written something and then posted it instead of waiting for months. Anyways, this struck me right before I went to class and since it was my only one today and I just had a quick test, I have the whole day to write this! Supposing I don't get a call from work, which then I shall go to work because I want money.

**WARNINGS!** Geez, I can't even remember if I did this for these or not. Well, none I suppose. Don't rightly know as of now.

**Hope you enjoy!**

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

Once upon a time there lived a woodcutter, his husband/wife, and their two adopted children who were in no way related so their sexual tension is a-okay in this story. They were happy together though they had very little money. However, a terrible famine had soon come upon them and the woodcutter could not even provide food for his family (though he vehemently denied it because he was a man, damnit).

One night they lay awake in bed worrying about their troubles. "I'll think of something," the woodcutter, Kurogane, told his husife ("husband" plus "wife" equals "husife"!). "I mean, we live in a forest! It's near impossible for there to be no food unless there was a drought and the illustrations clearly show that everything is a healthy green."

"… Are you sick, Kuro-tan?" Fay asked his husband. "Or do you mean the _actual_ forest is a healthy green?"

"Whatever, what I mean is that I refuse to believe we are so poor that we have to strand our 'kids' in the woods. I know, I'll just become a bounty hunter and then once my reputation picks up I'll be appointed to the guard and we'll never go-"

"Strand our kids?! Kuro-puu, how could you think of such a thing?! You are not the man I married!"

"We're not married! It's just a damn story! How many are we supposed to go through anyway until we get that feather?!"

"Oh, Kuro-rin. What have you become?!"

Due to their parents loud bickering (which actually was much better than other sounds -hint hint-), their children, Sakura and Syaoran, could not sleep and heard every bit of what they were saying.

"Mom and Dad aren't married?!" Sakura exclaimed.

"Well, it depends on whether or not this world accepts homosexual relations, which I assume they do since the stories have automatically put them in this role numerous times," Syaoran explained, hoping to impress his… sister with his knowledge while not sounding like a snob.

"Oh… I think Kurogane-san is more 'Fay-sexual' than gay, don't you?"

"Um, yeah… But did you hear what Father said they had to do?"

Sakura paused and listened for a while before answering, "Beat mother into a living pulp and then find proper jobs at the castle as a guard and cook? Wow, what good parents to think of every possibility before sacrificing their own children!"

"Well, yes, but they also said that tomorrow morning they will take us out to the thickest part of the forest, light a fire and give us each a piece of bread. Then they will go about their work and leave us there so they'll be rid of us! But don't worry, Sakura, I'll think of a way out of this."

"They did? But I swear they were just saying they-"

Sakura was interrupted by loud bed springs squeaking and currently small moans. The two took that as their time to sneak outside for about twenty or so minutes. With the full moon so bright, the white pebbles seemed to glow like silver coins. However, since the author has always found this part of the story seriously annoying and pointless and she's always hated repetition when not in threes like every other fairy tale, Sakura and Syaoran ignored them and merely sat on a log, gazing up at the moon all love love like. It was very cute.

The next morning, their mother woke them up, his eyes red rimmed. "Time to wake up, children," he sniffed. "We have to go," -whimper- "and cut wood. I know you're old enough and responsible enough to stay here on your own, but… but… I HATE YOU, KURO-STUPID!"

"Shut up, it's the only way to get this thing over with! Besides, if I had to have my eyes gauged out, then the kids can handle being stran…! I mean, going on a field trip… 'cause that's what they're going on… a field trip in the forest… yeah…"

Sakura and Syaoran stared at Fay as he rubbed at his tears and desperately tried to keep his smile in place. It looked more sad than happy, though, so Sakura hugged him. That only caused four straight hours of hugging, crying, and yelling to go on before finally their mother gave them each a small piece of bread and they set off for the forest.

Along the way, Syaoran crumbled up his bread and scattered little pieces of it on the forest floor during the times his mother was not glomping him and having to be yanked off by their father. It wasn't long until they settled down and built a fire.

"You two stay here while your mother and I go and cut wood," Kurogane told them. "We'll come back later to get you."

"No!" Fay yelled, making a run for the kids, only to have Kurogane grab him by the collar and drag him away, still saying things like, "They're so beautiful!", "Don't take me from my babies!", and the wonderful, "I hate this stupid story and swear that if anything happens to those two, I will personally track down whoever wrote this, and make the rest of his or her life a living hell!"

Night soon fell and the children's parents never returned. When the moon rose, Syaoran and Sakura looked for the bread crumbs that Syaoran had dropped in order to find their way home. However, they couldn't find them. Apparently, birds and other woodland creatures like bread crumbs and they had devoured them all. Oh, how stupid Syaoran felt in front of his… sister. Thankfully, Sakura was very kind and didn't say anything about what a ridiculous idea it was and what the hell was he thinking? He tried, and that was all that mattered to Sakura. Really.

Realizing they surely couldn't stay where they were or else the wild animals would eat them, the two began to trek through the forest. However, they were so deep in the forest that they were unable to find their way out.

On the third day, they awoke to find a beautiful bird singing. So enchanted were they by it, that when it began to fly away, Sakura and Syaoran followed it until they came out into a clearing and there they saw a little house, wonderful beyond their dreams.

The house was made entirely out of candy. The walls were made of cake, the roof of frosting, the windows transparent sugar, and the rest was decorated with gum drops, candy canes, jelly beans, nearly every candy in the world. So hungry they were that they began to eat part of it, not once thinking that somebody might live there or the question why did the animals eat Syaoran's bread crumbs but not this house? Not to mention whether it was stale or not.

While they were eating, a gentle voice called out to them:

"Nibbling, nibbling, like a mouse,

Who's that nibbling at my house?"

Sakura and Syaoran stopped dead in what they were doing and tried to repair the damage they had done, when all at once the door opened and a tall, busty lady glided out.

"We're sorry!" Syaoran said. "We're lost and we're just so hungry that we didn't think and-!"

"Ah, dear children," she interrupted. "I understand. Come in and stay with me. You will come to no harm."

Relieved, the two followed her inside and were allowed to eat any of the furniture they wanted. The lady, Yuuko, seemed very nice and treated them kindly. She even let them sleep there, giving them the finest beds in the house.

However, when there were asleep, Yuuko had a villain monologue. "Excellent," she began. "My plan to lure children in with my sugary house has worked. And now that I have them, I shall fatten them up and eat them! Who said I can't cook my own meals?" She then cackled evilly.

In the morning, she snuck in and took Syaoran away to the stable where she locked him up. Sakura, being the heavy sleeper she was, didn't hear Syaoran shouts. Not too long later, Yuuko shook Sakura awake (and also had to bang some pots and pans by her ears after that didn't work).

"Get up," she said. "You have to fetch some water and cook something nice for your… brother, was it?"

"Legally speaking, yes."

"Right… Cook something nice for your brother to fatten him up. I plan on eating him with this very expensive wine I got for my birthday. Okay? Okay!"

Sakura did as she was told, only because she didn't want to cause immediate harm for Syaoran. She had to think of a way to save him, she couldn't have her boyfri… brother eaten alive and she wouldn't allow it, either.

Fay-san was right, she thought. This is a stupid story!

Later, as Sakura filled the kettle and kindled the fire, Yuuko said, "I've heated the oven and kneaded the dough… well, I think I've kneaded it, I don't really know what that is. Anyway, get in there and see if the fire is blazing high enough now."

Really, Yuuko meant to shut the door and roast her once she knew she was inside. But Sakura saw through this easily and said, "I don't know how to get in. How will I manage?"

"Are you serious? It's a door, you just go through it! Like this."

Quickly, Sakura gave the witch a push into the oven and slammed the door behi-

"Yuuko-san, I'm home. Sorry it took so long, but I got caught up at the store trying to find that stupid sake you've been whining about the past week… What the hell is going on here?"

Sakura looked behind her at a boy with glasses standing in the doorway, holding many bags of groceries in hand. Yuuko pushed back open the door and shoved the boy over, grabbing a large bottle while he was down.

"Oh, Watanuki!" she cried. "I'm so glad you're back! Cook me something good, now!"

The boy, Watanuki, did none of the sort as he looked at Sakura, the oven, then back to Yuuko. "What were you doing?"

"… Not cooking children, if that's what you're thinking."

"Damnit, I'm gone for three days and you go and make a house of candy and try to cook some kids! What the hell is wrong with you?!"

"I was hungry, of course."

"Then why didn't you eat the house?! Evil! Evil witch!"

Eventually, Yuuko apologized to Sakura and allowed her and Syaoran to leave, complete with a few bentos from Watanuki. The two, now reunited (and it felt so good), made their way again through the forest in order to get home.

Eventually, they came across their own parents, who had also been lost in the woods. I mean, if the kids couldn't find their way home, then obviously the parents were going to have trouble. They quickly embraced them and cried and yelled at Kurogane for being a horrible father (that was all Fay), and made their way back home where they worked out their financial problems by getting actual jobs, like good parents should.

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**1.)** Yeah, I've pretty much trashed the idea of staying totally true to these stories. Plots there, but that's about it. It's more fun this way!

**A/N:** So I think I'll be doing a lot of updating for the next few weeks to help get my mind off of sweets (gave 'em all up for Lent). Applause! And what's funny about this is that I got the idea of Fay throwing a fit if this happened this morning and wrote it all today. Longer than I thought it was going to be, considering I took out a lot of boring crap. Hansel and Gretel was never my favorite.

You know what to do!

Please leave a review!

As always, CONSTRUCTIVE criticism along with **IDEAS** are welcomed with your very own candy house to lure children with!


	9. The Frog Prince

**Date Written:** July 2, 2008

**Flo:** Yeah, was reading some of this story and saw in the reviews "The Frog Prince" and SHAZAM! Ideas occurred.

**WARNINGS!** Um, some talk of sperm? Typical Flo fic, really. If you're new to this concept, then basically sarcastic humor with some dirtiness.

**Hope you enjoy!**

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In olden times, when wishing was still of some use (Yuuko says otherwise), there lived a king whose daughters were… wait for it… all beautiful. But the youngest, and this'll surprise you, was so beautiful that the sun itself was amazed each time it shone upon her face. Obviously, the king had some absolutely amazing sperm. With their daughter as gorgeous as she was, the king and queen named her after the most beautiful flower in their garden: Sakura. Mm, smell that cliché!

Close to the king's castle was a large, dark forest where an old lime tree with spreading branches grew. Beneath the tree was a fountain. Whenever the day was hot, Sakura would run there to play, taking with her a golden ball. Over and over she threw it up and caught it, which made the king very happy because as heavy as a golden ball is, by doing such actions it really builds up the upper body strength. Of course, there is also the possibility of breaking one's fingers, which had actually happened in the past. I mean, who on earth makes a golden ball? Never the less, it was the princess' favorite toy (and she did have killer upper body strength, so everybody was happy).

One day it happened the she miscalculated where exactly the ball would land and missed. The ball rolled over the rim of the fountain, quickly sinking beneath the clouded water. Sakura was deeply saddened by this, but instead of being a complete wimp and crying, she began to make her way towards the fountain in order to figure out how deep it was and if she could swim down to get it. If not, she could probably come up with some sort of simple machine to-

"Why are you weeping king's daughter?" a voice asked. "Your tears would melt even a stone to pity."

Sakura looked around and saw a frog stretching it's thick, ugly head from the water… harsh. "That was very poetic of you!" she said. "But my golden ball/weight has gone into the fountain… and I wasn't cry-"

"Listen and do not weep," answered the frog, "I will fetch your exercise equipment, but you must promise me something in return."

"Alright, what is it that you will have, dear frog? Perhaps my pearls and jewels? Or do you want my golden crown?"

"How old are they?"

"Well, the pearls and jewels are fairly new, but the crown has been passed down from generation to generation."

"Sweet! The craftsmanship is amazing and… Um, I mean, I care nothing for wealth… no matter how ancient and cool it is… But if you will love me and let me be your companion, and sit at your table, and eat from your plate, and sleep in your little be-I MEAN, um, uh, just to sleep and that's it! They're telling me to say this, I swear!"

"… Okay, I promise!" she said. But the narrator claims that she was thinking to herself, What is this silly frog saying? Let him stay in the water with the other frogs. He can never be my companion.

So shallow!

Quickly, the frog swam down into the fountain and soon came back up with the ball. With a cry of delight, Sakura picked up the ball and ran off through the fore-

"Thank you, little frog! Come on, I'll take you back with me to be my companion now! You're going to love it at the castle! There's a fountain there, too, and-!"

Suddenly, the princess' caretaker, Yuuko, came running towards the princess and snatched her away from the ugly, disgusting little frog.

"Sakura, dear!" she exclaimed while reading off a hurried script. "Do not touch that frog, it could carry disease! Now come along back with me to the palace."

"But I made a promise to him that I would take him back with me to be my companion. I can't break that promise, Kurogane-san would be furious!"

Yuuko took Sakura's face in his hands and simply explained, "Sakura-chan, you're shallow in this story."

"WHAT?!"

And so, the ugly, disgusting, revolting little frog was left alone in the fountain.

The next evening, the king and daughter were having a lovely dinner together.

"Where's Fai-san? I-I mean, Mother?" Sakura asked.

The king paused before saying, "Hell if I know."

It was during this normal dinner conversation that something came creeping, splish splash, splish splash, up the marble stairs. At the top, it knocked upon the door and cried, "Let me in, youngest princess. Let me in."

So she rose to see who had called her. When she opened the door, there sat the frog. She let out a squeal of delight and went to scoop up the frog, but then a conveniently placed bucket tripped her up and she, instead, ended up slamming the door.

"What the hell is going on out there?!" the king, Kurogane, yelled. "Is some giant stomping around out there, wanting to kidnap you or something?!"

Sakura chose to ignore the giant jab and answered, "Oh, no! There's a frog outside!"

"What's he want?!"

"He rescued my ball from the fountain yesterday in return that I promised to be his companion. But then Yuuko appeared and said that it was contaminated or something and that I was supposed to be shallow and-"

"What you have promised you must fulfill. Now let him in."

Sakura paused for a moment, utterly confused, but then shrugged it off as her father usually doing the exact opposite of her caretaker, no matter how strange. Plus, she wasn't complaining… even though everybody in the court said she was. So she opened the door and the frog hopped in and followed her, step by step, to her chair.

"Lift me up… please," he croaked. "I am not so large as you are… as in tall!"

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize-"

"Damnit, I order you lift that frog onto the table!" her father suddenly yelled, scaring the crap out of the girl.

Once the frog was on the chair, he wanted to eat from her golden plate. "Push it close to me," he said, "so that we might share the food between us."

At this point, Sakura had accepted that she was to be a shallow little brat and said her lines properly. "N-No, you ugly, wart covered, digusting, slimy, revolting, vomit inducing, little frog!" (Admittedly, she went a bit too far, as the frog seemed to die a little inside.)

Kurogane yelled.

Sakura obeyed.

Fai, for some reason, was no where to be seen.

The frog and Sakura could not eat a mouthful due to them both feeling absolutely horrible, so the court's fluffy rabbit meat bun advisor gobbled it up instead. At last the frog said, "I am tired now. Carry me to your room and then we will sleep in your silken-OH MY GOD!"

Before Kurogane had a chance to yell at her again, Sakura took the frog up with two fingers and put him in the corner of her room. But as she lay in her bed, he crept up to it (with a very lovely shade of red covering him, instead of his normal green)."P-Put me on the, um, p-pillow beside y-y-y-you, or Iwilltellyourfather!" said he.

"Okay," Sakura said instead of being a little so-n'-so. She was already half asleep and not exactly aware of what was happening, you see. Thankfully, her dear father was there to correct her mistake!

"Throw him against the wall!" Kurogane shouted, right after he brutally slammed the door open.

"…What?" Sakura, now fully awake though incredibly confused, asked.

"Throw. The frog. Against. The wall. Damnit."

Silence.

"ARE YOU SERIOUS?! NO! THAT'S HORRIBLE!"

"IT'S HOW THE FREAKIN' STORY GOES AND I'M DANM SICK OF THIS AND WANT TO GET IT OVER WITH ALREADY, SO DO IT!"

"I'M SORRY, BUT NO! I'M NOT GOING TO THROW HIM AGAINST ANYTHING!"

"OH YES YOU WILL, YOUNG LADY! THAT'S WHY YOU HAD THAT GOLDEN BALL TO BEGIN WITH!"

(See, I made it fit!)

"I WON'T!"

"THROW THE FROG!"

"NOOOOOOOO!

It was at this point that the king forced the frog into his daughter's hand and tried to move her arm in such a way that it would hurl the frog against the wall, as the story says. It was quite an amusing image to the horrified servants who were passing by. Meanwhile, nobody could find the queen/Kurogane's boy toy.

Though Sakura hated to do this, she found that there was no other way to save her little friend. Therefore, she stomped on her father's foot with her high heel (she's royalty, they dress up everywhere). The king jumped a bit, giving the princess just enough time to scurry to the other side of the room. With the frog tucked securely in her arms, she took a deep breath to try and reason with her father (how he properly ran a kingdom when he's ordering her to abuse a frog was not the subject, mind you, even though it should be). "Well, if we're talking about being true to a story, then I think that since you weren't with Fai-san in 'Snow White,' then I should get a freebie, too!"

"I… I don't know what you're talking about…"

"Yes you do, you're blushing! Remember, the original story of Snow White is that she, er, Fai-san coughs out the apple but the Disney version has it so the prince, you, kisses her awake, which you did! So if you got your Disney experience, I want mine, too!"

"Ha! There is a huge plot hole in that, princess! There's not a Disney movie of this story!"

"Ha HA! That is where you're mistaken, Kurogane-san! Disney is actually already working on that movie! (1) So I get to have my Disney experience!"

"And if that doesn't work?"

"… Um, what doesn't work, Father?"

Now Kurogane was the confused one. "Weren't we just arguing about…? Don't you…?"

"I'm sorry, Father, but I haven't a clue what you're talking about."

"… Hell, I don't even know what to ask! I'm going to bed, screw all of this!"

As Kurogane left, Sakura smirked to herself. Really, people didn't give her enough credit when it came to craftiness. If Sakura wanted a Disney experience with her prince, then would get it, by golly! Plus, all of that time with Fai-san gave her more than just cooking experience (don't ask where the man was at the moment).

"Oh, little frog," she began, completely making up the lines as she went. "I have treated you horribly after you were so kind to me! Because of this, I apologize. Please accept this kiss from me to you."

And so the beautiful princess took the hyperventilating frog in her hands and gave it a chaste (though oddly lingering) kiss on it's little, froggie face. At that moment, he was changed from a frog and into a prince. Named Syaoran. Surprise!

He told her that only a king's youngest daughter had the power to rescue him from the fountain. Why he was cursed to begin with was never brought up.

Obviously, the two were married but it was made all the better because Sakura wasn't some spoiled brat who only fell in love with the frog once he turned into a prince. So there.

And Fai was never found.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

**1.)** COMPLETELY TRUE! It's going to be in 2D and have the first Disney black princess (I've seen pictures of her and she's GORGEOUS!) and it comes out summer of 2009 and I CAN'T WAIT THAT LONG!! DDDDDX

**2.) (side note)** I don't think that Sakura is as innocent as the fandom sometimes makes her out to be. Though, I DID go a bit extreme here... It was fun!

**A/N:** So yeah… The Frog Prince. There was also some meaningless crap about the prince's servant, Faithful Henry, but it was so pointless, I don't know why it was in there. Oh, and I'm working on other updates, too, so don't worry! Info's on my profile if you're desperate.

You know what to do!

Please leave a review!

As always, CONSTUCTIVE criticism and **IDEAS** are welcomed with Fai's location!


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